I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize