This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
