I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
