I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Four minutes until I can fart!
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
