$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
