He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
