I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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