Grow some girl-balls and come out already
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
