No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
