My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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