My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
we should paint friendship bongs
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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