this just has baby written all over it
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize