if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
