weddingsv make me drug and hornr
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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