the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
