God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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