I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
