When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
