you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
So squirting runs in the family.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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