Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
