my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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