so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
