How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
