I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
