a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
The police scanner is talking about you again....
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
