I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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