So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
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