I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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