I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize