so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
