He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
