So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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