Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
