worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
