Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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