I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
