I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
