I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It's blow job season.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
