Your tits are I can't wait for
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
