I just cut my nipple shaving
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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