I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
