i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
