Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
