I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
