i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
