Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize