it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
