I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
