If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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