Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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