Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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