i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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