i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
