Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
