HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize