Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize