And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
