i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
