did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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