some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
