How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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