Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
