Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
