we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
