I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
