I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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